Haters Will Hate
Before I continue, I’d like to say that no, I’m not on a nit-picking frenzy about the book (heck, the trilogy) that’s causing a storm around the world. Straddling every best sellers list on the globe, still selling gazillion numbers of copies (you mean everyone hasn’t got it yet?!), breaking records everywhere and – okay, you get the picture.
So, contrary to the title and contrary to the opinion of many self-acclaimed intellectuals who’ve summarily bashed the book(s), I’m not here for any negative talkback. Haters gonna hate. Well, it’s not a perfect book, but it’s a fantastic story. It’s refreshing, wacky, drawn-out in places and really, not so novel. Still, the populace will have compassion on whom it will have compassion, so if they want to make E L James the best-selling author of anything published this side of the millennium, those naysayers must needs respect that.
Oh. My. God. This is how the heroine talks for many parts of the story, so forgive me. One-word sentences can be catching.
But, since I’m not even half-way through the first book (Fifty Shades of Grey), I really, honestly can’t give a decent review. So I’d better not pretend to. But so far, so good. I turn some pages and I hear myself go “whoop whoop!” as I hoot for the heroine Anastasia and her now fabled “inner goddess” sub-conscience whatchamacallit. Some pages make me squeal and squirm and I’m thinking “I need to put this down, go do something normal like the dishes and then come back when my heart rate has lowered from cardiac-arrest level.” I’ve done this many times already and I’m just through a third of the book. It’s safe to say I’m in for a long, grueling ride.
This book is not for everyone. Some male readers may find it tiresome and even grating. They will want to throw their iPad or Kindles or whatever reading device they’re reading the book on at something. And if they’re reading the printed book version, all the better. Just chuck it in the fish tank if it annoys you so much.
For everyday romance readers, Fifty Shades will be just another really good romance yarn. Female readers around the world love it, as they should. It’s cracking good erotica is some parts. It’s said to have caused a baby-boom in some country or other but I’m not going to use that as a yardstick! People have called it everything from mommy porn to outright trash, but I think I’ll let you make your own decision whether to read it or not. But every self-respecting writer should read this book. I mean seriously. How can you not be that bit curious to find out what the fuss is all about?
Ana and Mr. Grey
Frankly, I’m all for a heroine that’s soft, pliable, not too assertive and a bit goofy. The type that sighs at just a touch of his forefinger and who generally stares at him ever five seconds thinking, It should be illegal for a man to be this good-looking. Or rich or sexy. Frankly, sometimes Anastasia’s a twit and sometimes Mr. Grey is too perfect. I adore them. Sort of.
Just like the Twilight books, or the first one at least, when these two meet, we’re taken through a painstaking process of how the girl over-thinks, over-feels and over-expresses every little sensation she experiences at the hands of the hero guy. We get it. He’s stunning. So stunning he has to remind you to “breathe, Anastasia” because sometimes you forget to when he’s around. Geez. But then you realize, these things do happen. Give Ana – and E L James, a break.
Who else can’t wait to see who does gets cast as the impeccable, twisted and irresistible Mr. Grey? (I can’t stop calling him that). One can hope that someone takes the time, common sense and professionalism to pick the right guy (and girl) so the books (and movie) aren’t ruined for everyone.
I think the Christian Grey character will have to be young (below, around thirty) and look like he’s used to having money, women – and oh a deep interest in female domination in every sense of the word. No, this isn’t your vanilla-type hunk who dabbles in some light bondage or mild S & M. This guy may not be a sick f**k (okay, haven’t finished the first book so maybe he is) but he’s still has to have that brooding, Heathcliff/Byronic kind of persona that will make a girl shiver any time his grey (yes, please his eyes have to be grey – duh) gaze falls on her.
Anastasia Steele can be anybody but Emma Watson. Please. That’s all I’ll say on that topic.
But if I had to say who would work for both characters, I’d pick Henry Cavill (Immortals) and Ellen Page. She’s cutesy-sexy enough and can act which she’s going to need to make Ana come to life. Henry Cavill doesn’t have to do anything but be himself. He seems cut and dried for this role.
Okay, so that’s it. I hope I haven’t dropped too many spoilers. But I felt like I had to put this up now because frankly, at the rate I’m reading the first book (it’s a very slow rate; I keep stopping to go and wash dishes to calm my racing heartbeat) I may never do a review till maybe a month. That wouldn’t do will it? So this had to happen. The book goes very slow in the beginning; it takes time to heat up. But it will get there. It’s getting there for me. I think doing a few pages a day will be like getting in fifteen minutes of cardio. That’s good enough for anyone.